By Basia A. Powell
What is a “good” wife? For many years, I have tried to live up to the traditional definition. I felt the pressure to please, to be perfect, and live up to the habits handed down by our female ancestors. Women who did not know their true value and were afraid to speak up.
At the top of the list of virtues inherited was the idea that a woman should leave herself undone for the advancement and happiness of her husband and her children. An important male figure in my life once told me, “A wife is a cushion of frustration.” Whatever frustration her husband is feeling, he naturally takes it out on her, since she is closest to him.
Today, I reject all of the above because it makes us all unhappy. I became an even better wife and mother when I decided to really take care of myself and prioritize my needs as well. It is important to me to look well, feel happy and to also have a “good” husband prioritize my needs as much as I prioritize his.
I realize that our society is built on the idea that women must be silenced (ladies must be seen and not heard). If a woman speaks out about her frustration, unhappiness etc, she is seen as disloyal and may not be considered a “good wife”. The idea that as women , we were born to take care of our homes, husbands and children before ourselves, is ridiculous. We were thought that we are here to serve our men and put their needs above ours, because this makes us “good wives”. I have never seen a woman happy putting herself last. The idea that the definition of a “good” woman is attached to self sacrifice, is sad. I see nothing wrong with a “good wife” enjoying her life and achieving her dreams.
It’s time that the world see us as equals and that we recognize that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, regardless of our gender. The relationship between a man and a woman cannot be one sided, as one person will end up unhappy. Society needs to hold both husbands and wives to the same standards. Husbands and wives must strive to take care of each other. Most of all, women need to stop judging other women who choose to liberate themselves from the traditional expectations of wives.
There are so many women who choose to perpetuate the lack of self love handed down by our female ancestors. They continue to do as they are told because they are afraid of not being seen as “good wives”. Nothing is ever good if it does not feel good to you. A good wife deserves good treatment. The time has come for us to reevaluate the role we play as women and wives. Are we loving ourselves enough? What are we prepared to put up with to be considered good? We work so hard to make everyone else happy. Are we happy? Is unhappiness and self sacrifice a rite of passage to be considered a “good wife”? Hell no❗️Life is too short to choose unhappiness, while you sit back and watch others live their dreams.
Have a fantastic week all.