I have the same issues as most women. While some women may not admit theirs, as they are too busy trying to be perfect, I will address some of the things I am guilty of, in an effort to find healing. First of all, I am guilty of trying to be perfect. Trying to be the best wife, mother, daughter, niece, and business woman. I am guilty of trying to do it all.
What caused me to be this way? Perhaps my conditioning as a young black woman. Growing up I received two messages, “You are not good enough, and to be liked, you must be the best at everything you do, if you want to have a seat at the table.” The healing came when I finally accepted that I cannot be the best at everything I do. Some days I am better at some roles and some days I “suck” at some.
The funny thing is, when I came to the realization that I am good enough, I started to focus more on enjoying what I do and less on perfecting my many roles. As women, we are all guilty of putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be perfect, because unlike men we have to be three times as good to get the job. We are still trying to break the glass ceiling. The history and struggle of our gender have set us up to fight for attention and validation. The pursuit of validation, forces us to continue to compete and crave perfection.
If I choose to split my time between raising children and pursuing my dreams, it’s ok. My children and my spouse are a major part of my life, but they are not my life. I am quickly accepting that even though my children love me, one day soon, they will leave me and have their own lives. And I am ok with that. Until that time I will focus on being present whenever I am spending quality time with my family, but I refuse to be guilty for being me.
I am guilty of questioning my role as a woman. I feel so much anxiety when I am unable to so it all at the same time (to cook, clean my home, do grocery shopping, achieve my career goals, maintain my physique and physical fitness, spend quality with my husband and the list goes on). It is impossible to do it all! Most of all it is impossible to be great at all that I do. Trying to perfect my life gives me anxiety 🙄. However living my life the way I choose makes me happy.
Despite how perfect my life looks to you, please know that I am flawed and I am guilty. However, my flaws do not make me anxious, they make me normal. Trying to be perfect everything I do, makes me anxious. No one can do it all. As such, I now take it one day at a time. I focus on being happy and on accepting my flaws. If I have a demanding week at work and I cannot be the best at my other roles, that’s ok. I am a work in progress. I am too busy enjoying my life to be perfect.
So in the words of the singer Gladys Knight, 🎵🎼”I am guilty of so many things…I am guilty for just being me..I am guilty of wanting the best life can offer for my daughter and my sons. There two strikes against me..one strike for being female, one strike for being black. So I stand tall through it all, with my head up high because I know that I will be female and black till the day I die…I am guilty and happy.