By Basia Alicia Powell
It is difficult to ask people who are not on your level to think on your level. Most people process information based on how the message affects them or their insecurities. When you are 5 years old, you think like a 5 year old. The problem arises when some people are still thinking like a 25 year old at 65 years old. Their growth ended with their pain.
Over the past year, I have taken the opportunity to work on my happiness. You would think that having written a book called, “Thirty Days To Lasting Happiness“, I would have mastered the art of maintaining my own. Well…
Unfortunately, I think it is due to the fact that I did not understand the “unspoken code” for lasting happiness. Which simply states, “If you consistently put the needs of others before your own, you can never find lasting happiness.” I had to develop what I now call my “No compromise happiness list” and I am sticking to it.
My Happiness List is as follows:
- Are you happy?
- What makes you happy?
- Who makes you happy?
- What are you doing that puts a smile on your face?
- What decision do you need to make to maintain your happiness? (We usually know what we need to do to find lasting happiness, but we procastinate, because it always involves taking a stand with someone who does not care about how their actions are affecting your life.)
- Why do you insist on remaining in pain while watching others enjoy their lives?
God will not punish me because I finally learnt to put myself first.
Once I answered the above questions, my world opened up. I do not carry any guilt for making decisions that results in maintaining my happiness. I came to the realization that God will not punish me because I finally learnt to put myself first. Don’t get me wrong, I am not desirous of deliberately causing pain or harm to anyone. My goal is to establish boundaries with those people and relationships that are causing me harm or have caused me harm in the past. If everyone of us were to focus on maintaining happiness and addressing our pain and insecurities, we would be able to develop healthier relationships and be good to each other.
Most people are incapable of thinking about how others are affected by a decision or an outcome. People are innately selfish and are obsessed with how an outcome will affect them only .
The truth is, we are all different. We all find happiness in different ways. We all process pain differently. For some people, their past pain has made them more insecure and distrustful. On the other hand, some people process pain effectively and become more secure in themselves. They refuse to become victims.
Your pain does not give you the right to sabotage someone else’s happiness. Nor should you let it define you. If we were all focused on moving forward and becoming better, we would never have to go into victim mode everytime we are faced with a challenge. The key is to learn from your past and move forward.
The way we process our pain creates our energy. Energy is the vibration we give off that draws like minded people to us. It is also known as our silent message. It can turn people onto us or off of us. If we are negative, we are likely to only draw negative people, and if we are positive, we are likely to attract people with positive vibrations. In other words, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
You cannot force people to be like you, or think like you. However, you can enforce boundaries for them to respect you and to protect your positive vibrations and your energy. It is your right to protect your peace and to operate at the level that feels right for you. It is okay to teach people how to treat you.
Over the past year, I took a personal decision to only take phone calls from people who are calling me to say positive things. People who choose to deliberately engage in productive discussions and not unnecessary arguments, disparaging remarks or gossip. The later does not make me a better person. I am all about getting better and doing better. I can only achieve my best life with positive vibrations.
You may never understand every human being and why they do what they do. Most people process information based on their insecurities and life experiences. It takes remarkable emotional maturity for the average human being to not live with a victim mentality. Honestly, what is required is for us to keep moving forward. You cannot trip if you focus on where you are stepping. For now, I choose to step forward and place all negative vibrations on ice. I have been placed on this planet to do good and to live well. I want to be good to everyone in my life. I realise that people may not return the favor. Many people consistently focus of the one thing someone did not do to please them, instead of the many things that person have tried to do to bring happiness to their lives. My current mindset is simple. Anyone who does not understand this mindset, cannot hang. You feel me⁉️ My happiness cannot be compromised. Period!
This summer the ladies and I will embark on a happiness series. Please tune in.
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